Uli Rocked It!

Move over, Jeffrey. It looks like you're not the only clothier-to-the-rockstars on Project Runway.

Congratulations, Uli! You've uncovered the mystery of where Lenny Kravitz's been hiding for the last few years. No wonder he looked so natural rockin' away in that snapshot you used on your One Sheet.

Update on "Mini" Mouse

Before appearing on Project Runway, Minnie Mouse was best known for being Mickey Mouse's, um ... longtime companion. She was so happy to have been chosen as Alison's runway model for the "Waste Not. Want Not." challenge, she even did a little jig.


Even though she endured some unpleasant ribbing from Alison about her body shape and size, it was Heidi Klum's comment that hurt her the most.


After the show wrapped, Minnie had some serious doubts about her burgeoning modeling career. Can she continue to model even though she's not a size 0? Must she conform to the unrealistic ideals and demands of the modeling industry?


All of that shame, humiliation and self-doubt made her re-examine her body. In order to continue modeling, she felt she had no choice but to go on a strict diet. Recently, she's been spotted looking very emaciated and frail. "I worry about her," her friend Daisy Duck confided, "She doesn't look too healthy."


Hopefully, Minnie Mouse (and other stars like Kate Bosworth and Nicole Richie) can realize the dangerous risks they're taking and what kind of damage they can do to their bodies – before it's too late.

---

Even though this is a satire piece, eating disorders are no laughing matter. In all seriousness, if you or someone you care about, suffer from a serious eating disorder, please seek professional help.

Project: Caption

Michael Kors – Day In, Day Out

You can always count on the steadfast Michael Kors. He's the go-to guy for an honest opinion and a snappy remark ("She looks like a paper brioche!"). I really missed him when he was gone (episodes 2 - 5 of this season). Nina, Heidi, and the fill-in, Vera Wang, were all OK, but they can't snark like him.

OK, so he's a little predictable at times (black coat/black t-shirt). But, I don't think I'll get tired of him anytime soon.

Clippings:

• Bravo's Andy Cohen covers Jeffrey's tattoo and other stuff. Andy's Blog


• Tim's Take doesn't take a break. (Isn't he the hardest working man in show biz? Bravo, he needs a raise.) Tim's Take


• New York Post's take on the final four collections. New York Post


• If you haven't seen Kayne's exit interview, you need to. He is so cute and so colorful – just like the clothes he makes. bravotv.com

The Dish on bravotv.com gave a mention to this little blog of mine. Click here to view.

"We stumbled upon this crack-us-up-funny website called "Project Yawnur". Yes, it's evidence of someone with way too much time on their hands, but it's well worth the journey. We at Bravotv.com love ourselves a good runway parody -- no matter the amount of photoshopping."

They also picked up the photo of a welding Catherine Malandrino from the recap of Week 9.

Thanks, Bravo. And, thank you Tbone and PRGayboys for letting me know.

Also, while reading VH1's BestWeekEver.tv blog, I came across my "bunny ears" photo also from my recap of Week 9. Click here to view. (There may be a potential spoiler/speculation, so don't read the article if you don't want to be spoiled.)


Thanks, Michelle. And as always, thank you Team BPR for your support.

Seen and Overheard

Don't you just love these two? I know I do!

Whenever I think about Tim Gunn, I get so excited! I wish my Lexicon could be as big as his! I'm told if I work on it long and hard enough, it'll actually grow.

Let's try to build up our vocabulary by using big and fancy words that even Tim Gunn would be proud using. Who says you can't learn something useful by watching Project Runway?

incontrovertible [in-kon-truh-vur-tuh-buh l] - adjective

1. impossible to dispute.
2. unquestionable.
3. undeniable.

Example: Tim Gunn couldn't overlook the incontrovertible fact that Vincent is nothing more than a decent dressmaker.

On Again, Auf Again – Week 10

The five remaining designers were invited to a private party at the swanky Pink Elephant. Heidi hinted that they would be joined by a few special guests. The champagne started to flow – and then came their woe.


Their jaws dropped to the floor as Vincent, and then Angela, made their way back into the game. Yes, the dreaded twist – and his nemesis, now have a chance to show at Olympus Fashion Week.

Who knew the producers had Angela and Vincent cryogenically preserved, only to be revived at a later date? Everyone was in shock, to say the least.


The designers were given their new challenge: design a cocktail dress using only black and white fabric. Somehow, Kayne missed that part.

Kayne, I know you automatically tune Angela out (and so would I), but what was going through your pretty little head when Tim said you had to use BOTH colors?


Poor, Laura. The news of Angela and Vincent's return, coupled with the scathing critique she received for her couture gown, rocked her to the core. Her neural circuitry wasn't programmed to handle that many raw human emotions. Her cool exterior started to crumble and her confidence level was badly shaken.


But, Laura pulled it together just in time to win her first challenge. She made damn well sure that dress was totally aged-down. Brava!


Uli created a crazy-print, party dress. Angela did a white collar job. Michael gave Nazri a black belt so she can kick some serious butt. Vincent made a big curtain valance. Jeffrey pimped Marilinda out and made her work. Too bad, no one bought it.


And Kayne went black, but unfortunately he never came back. He got auffed, along with Angela and Vincent.

Uli, if you ever get tired of making flowy, crazy-print, party dresses, you could always find a job with the Miami Convention and Visitor's Bureau. You've done a great job selling the sandy beaches, the warm weather, and the fun atmosphere that Miami is known for.


Oddly enough, I have this strange compulsion to swill some Moet, log onto orbitz.com, and book a seat on the next flight out to Miami on Delta Airlines.

Comedy Routine

Robert and Kayne provided most of the light and humorous moments in a drama-filled season. They were the sunshine that lit up the gloomy workroom at Parsons.

The two designers bonded quickly upon their arrival in New York. They traded catty remarks and sharpened their wits. But unfortunately, most of the funnier moments ended up on the cutting room floor.

I think their quick wit and humor deserve a showcase. I know I would totally watch them if they had their own comedy show. Just imagine, one could play the “straight man,” so to speak. While the other one could be the more exuberant and outlandish character that loves to wear Bob Mackie clothes. How perfect is that?

The Seine and the Not-So Sane - Week 9

Before Jeffrey even had a chance to celebrate his first victory (and more importantly, Angela's auffing), Catherine Malandrino gave them their next challenge: create a couture-like gown in two days with a US$375 budget.

Couture is all about intricate handwork and attention to details – which are two things in which Angela took pride. I shudder just thinking about the floral arrangement we would have seen, had she not been auffed.


After a relaxing dinner and a good night's rest, the designers started the new day with a wake-up call from Tim Gunn. They then headed off to the Sacre Coeur to do their sketching. On the way there, Jeffrey befriended a cute Parisian guy on the Métro, to Vincent's dismay.


Uli resisted the bright prints, but fell back on her standby "effort"less look. Laura relied on her simple, classic lines, then added a Swiffer Duster collar for dramatic flair. Michael wanted to try something new - a hand ruching technique that worked so well for Malan. Kayne contrasted a soft chiffon skirt with a gold, beaded corset. Jeffrey combined two similar plaids to make a fun and hip frock. And, Vincent constructed a chaise lounge.

The designers were then invited to a party on a boat, hosted by Catherine Malandrino. The timing couldn't have been more perfect, as she was finishing up her welding project. (Remember, always think safety first!)


Now it's time for the designers to sell their gowns. Catherine strolled around from one designer to the next, examining their handiwork and asking them questions.

Not one to be topped by a woman, Vincent had other ideas in mind.


Last week, Kayne was channeling Elvis. This week, it's Pepe Le Pew.


The designers then flew back to New York, eager to show the judges what they've learned on their field trip. Jeffrey's plaid-extravagownza clinched him his second victory. It came closest to what a couture gown was supposed to be. (I think the word couture, roughly translated, means: Too ugly to reproduce.)

Uli's dress was pretty, but somewhat expected. Too bad for Laura, her collar went flaccid on her.

Nina Garcia thought the top on Vincent's gown was poorly fitted, so they spun the model's head around.


Michael had a little malfunction on the runway. His bunny rabbit didn't cooperate. Heidi quickly pointed out the bunny ears peeking out of Nazri's chest area. Boy, it nearly ruined his act.


So, Vincent finally got his walking papers. I thought I'd give him a proper sendoff. For the man who is still living in the '70s, let's do the time-warp ... again. Let's do the time-warp ... again.

OFW Fantastic Four?

Could this be the "Fantastic Four" who are showing their collections at this week's Olympus Fashion Week? They all have their own super strengths, but now they'll have to battle each other for the grand prize.

(Don't mean to dis you, Kayne. I think the judges already have it out for you and it'll be hard for you to overcome that. I think you are extremely talented and you've accomplished so much at such a young age. I'm sure you'll be around for a long, long time.)

---

The Invisible Woman – Uli Herzner

Uli went unnoticed for most of the season. I'm pretty sure she was on the show. In fact, she won the Dog challenge in Week 3.

The judges labeled her the "Party Dress Print-cess." She has this wonderful ability to matchy-match prints. But, can Uli break out of that mold and deliver a dazzling collection (one that doesn't rely on flip-flops)? We'll just have to wait and see.

---

The Thing – Jeffrey Sebelia

It's clobbering time! Jeffrey's on a mission and doesn't care who he steamrolls over. Let's just say sensitivity is not his strong suit. But like Jeffrey himself, his designs can be brash and in-your-face. In fashion, that could very well be a good thing.

Can this one-time rocker bring down the house at OFW? Or will they tell him he's just a one-note designer?

---

Ms. Fantastic – Laura Bennett

Laura's the master of the rubber-faced expressions. She can even make her body expand right before our eyes! But can she expand her repertoire, or is it a stretch to ask her to do something out of her comfort zone?

So far, she's the only one without a win under her stylish, crystal-encrusted, bow-tie belt. But, don't let that fool you. This lady usually gets what she wants.

---

The Human Torch – Michael Knight

He's HOT! He's on fire! And I'll bet you his collection will be smokin'!

Week after week, Michael turned out some of the best, most innovative designs. Don't forget, he was the first back-to-back winner this season. His versatility and his ability to think things through helped position him as the one to beat. But his warmth and loving nature made him a fan favorite.

Say It Isn't So!

Tim Gunn can whisper sweet-nothings to me all day long, but there are a few words NO man wants to hear him utter:

This is not working for me. Seeing all this boning underneath – it's not pretty.

Luckily for Kayne, Tim was referring to some sort of fabric construction material.

Wake, Rattle, and Roll – Week 8

Watching the recap from the previous week, I was reminded of Robert's untimely departure. *Sob* *Sob* Can we please have a moment of silence for the very talented Robert Best?

Even though I'm still in mourning, the (recapping of the) show must go on.

The designers were told they're designing an outfit for an international jet-setter.

Poor, Kayne. His first thought was Tara "boob-flashing" Reid. True, someone needs to slap some nice clothes on that trashy body of hers, but girlfriend, Tara doesn't jet-set. She takes trips. And by "trips" I mean she smashes her face on the pavement whenever she's shitfaced. Which is pretty much an everyday occurrence.

Now, we find out they're actually designing for themselves. This shouldn't be a difficult task for the designers, since they already know what they like. But, poor Vincent. He's having a hard time interviewing the other voices in his head.

They were given 15 minutes to sketch before heading out to Mood. Hmm, I wonder who made this sketch of himself?


Let's see, a fauxhawk hairdo and a big clown nose. Oh yeah, it's that Bozo, Jeffrey. You know, the one who made Angela's mom cry last week. Apparently, he's still whining about it. Little Jeffy, you need to grow up! It's a little embarassing when your toddler-aged son is more mature than you.


When I saw Kayne picking out that huge butterfly wing at Mood, I let out a big ol' *gasp!* Kayne usually gets it oh-so-right or oh-so-wrong (See previous post). This look was a definite Kayn't. Right now, I'm just hoping this Madame Butterfly doesn't do herself in in the final act.

They now have to strut their own stuff down the runway. Laura looked stunning in her creation. Kayne was channeling Elvis. Angela was on her way to a quilting bee. Michael hip-hopped his way to the front of the pack. Jeffrey rocked it out (all the while showing us his family jewels). Uli breezed through in her signature pah-ty dress. And, Vincent sleepwalked through yet another challenge. This time, he's even wearing his pajamas.


The judges were pretty hard on Uli. They wanted to see something different from her. I thought the dress looked pretty comfortable. I can actually see her wearing that dress while she goosesteps down the beach in Miami.


Vincent was also singled out. They thought his outfit was just too basic. His response was, "I'm the TWIST." Umm, no Vincent. You're more like the TWIT!


Speaking of twists, Heidi said they'll have to test their new outfits on that other runway. So, off to Gay Paree they go.

After a long day of travel, the designers made their way to Parsons Paris. No time for a rest - or even a shower, the stinky designers met up with the famous Catherine Malandrino. Luckily, the foul body smells didn't phase our guest judge too much. She is French, after all.

Now, this would've been a great time for a new product tie-in – like for a personal hygiene product.


Jeffrey wins with his rocker outfit. I thought Laura deserved the win. If not for anything else, she had to travel in those 4" heels. Unfortunately for Angela, Mademoiselle Malandrino didn't speak Fleurchon. She sent Angela back to the U.S.

I'm not sure if rosettes and fleurchons will ever catch on, but until then, I did find one good use for them:




I guess I'll take that as a "no."

Kayne or Kayn't?

Kayne, your outfit this week may have "turned you on," but, honey, just like Bad Mommy, Laura, I worry about you. Please resist the temptation and leave the sparklies and the stardust fairydust where they belong – in your twinkly smile and sparkly eyes.